A Positive Difference

All of my posts up to this point have expressed my joy for my new community and the love that I am experiencing here in Kerala. These postings will always be real and relevant in my life here. There are also many things I encounter here that are difficult to process. This will also always be a part of my life here.

 Before leaving the States I think I had lost a lot of pride in my country. In my eyes, The U.S. is guilty of so much corruption, so much systemic silencing of people, and so much blatant capitalism. These issues of course exist in India too, and in a globalized world these issues are everywhere. For the first month that I was here,  my feelings of shame were still present as I attempted to "break into the Kerala consciousness". This is what I told myself, but truly I was just digging. I was digging to see what similarities and differences we held close to our hearts. I wanted to get into the "bigger issues" and delve deep immediately into the cultural iceberg. My digging has not been in vain, but it has resulted in some of the aforementioned difficulties. I can conclude now that maybe I wasn't searching for similarities, but only for differences. One of the main issues I was quickly struck by is the most complicated issue we face today. The issue of poverty. My initial reaction to the atmosphere of India was awe at so much poverty and so much wealth existing side by side. Every street is evidence of this intense separation. There was also something beautiful to me about seeing wealth and poverty co-exist so simply. It was honest. Each city was not trying to hide people in poverty. They were not shuttled off to one corner of the town in cardboard homes. Many people are in poverty here, that is a fact. There is still much work to be done to pull individuals out of poverty, but society is trying more and more to compassionately support their neighbors. I will spend all year studying the many systems that take away the voices of those in poverty in Kerala.

The quick conclusion I drew about the U.S. is that we are guilty of hiding our poverty. There is certainly an ever present stigma that comes along with poverty, yet so many live under the poverty line. Why do we insist upon making people suffer through our systemic injustice to the poor? Why do we insist that they remain voiceless? Why are so many people able to ignore this as an issue? I was finally proud of my country today after watching a program on www.democracynow.org. The Occupy Wall Street Movement, whether you agree with it or not, is evidence that the richest nation in the world is at least starting to believe in the voices of those who are in poverty. We are beginning to allow poverty, suffering, and injustice to surface in a big way. Voices are being heard and history is being made. Maybe my conclusion can be proved false. I am not physically invested in this movement because I am so far from home, but I am so thankful for the people who are going out there and peacefully protesting. I am really proud of my country's ability to finally admit that we have huge issues to face.

In conclusion, The U.S. and India have many similarities and many differences. It isn't my job to fully think them through, but I am proud to say that both of the places I call home are working hard to bring justice to those who have long been forgotten.

"None of us alone can save the nation or the world. But each of us can make a positive difference if we commit ourselves to do so."- Cornel West

What's Agape Got to do with it?

Sneham is the Malayalam word for love. Within my first few weeks here, the hostel girls taught me how to say Nyan Ninne Snehikkunnu which means I love you. When I say it back to them I always opt for the more inclusive option, Nyan Nyingale Snehikkunnu which means I love you all. I finished Sherlock Holmes on Saturday so I started reading a new book that I was really excited about. It is called The Pilgrimage and it is the truthful account of Author Paulo Coelho’s walk on the Road to Santiago. The road is an ancient one with a rich history of past pilgrims. In the book, Coelho’s guide teaches him about the three words for love in Greek, philos, eros and agape. Philos is the love of friendship and companionship; eros is passionate, irrational, romantic love but agape is the love this guide focuses on. The guide tells Coelho that “Agape is total love. It is the love that consumes the person who experiences it. Whoever knows and experiences agape learns that nothing else in the world is important—just love. This was the kind of love that Jesus felt for humanity, and it was so great that it shook the stars and changed the course of history.” Just as I read this passage on Saturday, literally right as I read the word “history”, my door creaked open. Thirteen year old Saina walked in and gently placed two chocolates on my bed. She did this all in complete silence. I said thank you and she just nodded and walked out of the room. I sat on my bed with my jaw completely dropped by this perfect alignment of incidents. It was as if Saina had waited until the exact right moment to come in and give me this selfless display of love. At Austin College I studied the principal of love a lot. Eros, philos and agape were ideas that were ever present in my studies and were often on my mind. As someone who has never claimed to have “been in love”, I constantly found myself creating meaning in my relationships of philos. In other words, my love came from my friends, family and others .The “others” category is pretty much solely for my dogs. Haha. Eros is something that my studies told me was fleeting and totally captivating. Lasting relationships that begin with eros the feelings of romance fade a little and become more rooted in the companionship of philos. Agape, however, has always been a mystery to me. I have contemplated it, written essays on it, and have seen it dictated in my faith tradition, but I never thought I could know what it means to feel agape. I had labeled it as a feeling reserved for God, unreachable by our human hands. Coelho’s book finally put this concept into completely understandable terms for me. When we feel an immense love for the world, for our surroundings, and for our experiences, we are experiencing agape. When we feel we are about to burst with love for every living thing on the planet, agape is freely flowing through us. When we cry because we are so happy, we are living agape. When Saina put those sweets on my bed, I first felt that it was a funny coincidence, but then I felt this overwhelming bursting feeling deep in my chest. This description probably makes you worried for my health, but no it was not my heart, it was my soul. My soul felt completely full of love for every person, every plant, every animal, every bug, and every tiny little microbe of bacteria that is part of this world that I am living in. I prayed right then and there because I couldn’t let the moment pass me by. I couldn’t let it be a coincidence. So for me, this was a small miracle that filled me to the brim. I felt agape not from a grand gesture, but from a small sacrifice and a silent nod. 

I was also filled with a huge sense of love on Sunday when I went to go see Nicole do her sermon at Mandiram. Her message was powerful and the perfect call to action for those of us who feel we are doing enough by performing our traditions. She reminded believers everywhere that we must fully commit to creating meaning through our actions. Communion is an act that meets me where I am each time I receive it. Fun Fact: I never in my life have rejected taking it. On Sunday, Communion felt like a real, full, agape filled sacrifice, which is how it should always feel. I hope to continue to find moments in which my soul can be productive through loving God and the world totally and completely. I also hope that my friends from all different types of backgrounds can relate to the struggle to find meaning and love in a world where traditions become stale and God’s love seems far from us. The love of God embraces each human being! Let’s act like it!

“Why do some people say that there is just one way to love you God and come to you? We are all a part of you.” – from “I Love You and Buddha Too” a song by Mason Jennings

"By Jove, I Think She's Got It!"

This is a normal week at school. This is also the first week we have not had a holiday or a special schedule, so I thought I’d post my daily schedule for you guys to see!

6:00-6:15 Wake Up (the first bell in the hostel is actually at 5:30, but I would be a super zombie if I ever woke up that early.)

6:30- 7:00 Morning Prayer. We sing one song and read one chapter from the New Testament and one Psalm

7:00- 8:30 Get ready for school. For me this normally means go back to sleep for a little while. Sometimes this is a good time to get in exercise.

8:30-9:00 Breakfast

9:15- 9:30 Staff Prayer and School Prayer

9:30 Classes Begin!

12:30-1:30 Lunch

3:30 School is Out

3:30- 4:00 Sometimes this is enough time for a walk to Aksa’s Studio, the nearby Internet Café.

4:00-4:30 Tea Break

4:30- 6:30 Exercise, nap, read, hang out with the girls at the hostel etc.

6:30-7:15 Evening Prayer. We sing three songs and read one chapter from the New Testament and one Psalm.

7:15- 8:30 Study Malayalam

8:30- 9:00 Dinner

9:00-10:30 Prepare lessons and rest

10:30 Lights out

I noticed that I haven’t said much about the school yet. Buchanan is a school that is not quite private and not quite public. The staff’s salary is paid by the Government, but no other aspect of the school is paid for. The school gets funds from a number of organizations and has many things donated, such as computers. The campus was started by missionaries. It is one of the oldest missionary campuses in Kerala. The campus grounds are also shared by other schools. The students at my hostel attend the Teacher Training Institute that is adjoined with the Buchanan campus. Two other campuses also share the grounds, Bishop Speechly School and Bishop Speechly College. There are also three hostels on the campus grounds: B.I. Boarding (My hostel), K.N.H. Hostel (a home for girls whose living expenses are sponsored by local church members), and the Bishop Speechly College boarding facility. There is another school within walking distance called the CMS Upper Primary school. It is a public facility that is mainly a boys school. They just started admitting girls to the campus a few years ago.

A typical day of teaching for me includes about 4 or 5 class periods out of 7. I teach “English Language Skills” at Buchanan to grades (here grades are called standards) 5, 7 and 8. I stay at Buchanan all day for teaching on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday. On Wednesday, I split my time between Bishop Speechly School and Buchanan classes. On Thursday I go to area schools where I am needed. I often go to Lower Primary classes. I really enjoy teaching the younger kids. Standards 2 and 3 are my favorite! They are too cute, and they love learning action songs (which of course is my favorite to teach.) I teach on Thursdays at Pakil Lower Primary, CMS Lower Primary School and CMS Upper Primary School. In November I will hopefully begin a conversation class at Bishop Speechly College with students who want to practice and further their skills in English.

I am enjoying being silly with kids this week. In a few of my classes I got to read one of my favorite children’s books that I brought with me, “The Napping House”. We listened for key words like dog, cat, thump, bump and napping and did sounds and actions each time I read the word in the story.  On the word “napping” the students all had very realistic and goofy yawns. Their laughter is the one thing that keeps me in such high spirits as I teach. This week I am also starting the process of designing an exercise class for the hostel students. Madison left a few DVDs here and I have been trying them out. I am honestly a little nervous to lead it, but I think as long as there is a lot of laughter and no one takes my clumsiness too seriously, it could be a lot of fun.

“It may not be that you yourself are luminous, but you are a conductor of light.”

 – from Sherlock Holmes: Volume II  by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. (I am reading two books at once. I got hooked on this old school classic while helping one of the girls in the hostel do a book review on it. Holmes and Watson’s relationship makes me laugh. Nerdy, I know.)

Being

Henna on my hands done by may students. Here they call it Mylangie

I would like to say in this blog that if you have ever felt accomplished because you just mopped your own floor, it’s okay. You are not weird. You are also not alone. Saturday morning I woke up on a mission to get my floor mopped. I had most likely neglected this necessary duty for a little too long. So first, I went out and purchased a mop. I travelled to the nearby town of Chingavanam by bus and quickly found a few stores that covered my necessities. In one of the stores the clerk helped me diligently. I have noticed that here this basically means you are followed around the store and given advice on your purchase. For example, I handed him a soap caddy I wanted to purchase. He shook his head and went back through the pile picking me one that didn’t have the label peeling off on the corner, a detail that I completely failed to notice. He also directed me to the side of the store and suddenly said “student.” Right there in the store was one of the adorable faces I have come to recognize at Buchanan. I said hello to her and her mother and the girls lit up with a smile. I used what Malayalam I have (which is still not much) and then they were on their way. That one interaction really brightened my day and made me feel at home. I am from a small town, and those kinds of interactions can often only come in a small town atmosphere. It provided me great comfort as I trekked back out onto the streets with a mop in tow. I generally stick out more than the average Keralite given my light brown hair and fair complexion, but walking around the town with a mop in my hand made me a sight to behold. I decided that instead of looking ridiculous on the bus, I would take an auto rickshaw home. The mopping process began shortly after my arrival at Buchanan. First water, then a Lysol-like solution mixed with water, then a layer of rinsing water and a towel over the floor to make it SHINE. I sat out in the study area and worked a little bit on my Malayalam while the floor dried. I felt so proud once they were done that I celebrated with a nap! I also began looking over the “Volunteers Exploring Vocation Discernment Journal” we were handed at Orientation. It is basically a guide to thoughtfully, prayerfully, and willfully consider a question you have about your vocation. My question is centered on graduate studies and when/ where/ how I want to pursue that degree. I hope that this will be a productive way to meditate on the path that is best for me. SO I found joy the little things and also enjoyed thinking about the big scary things. I accomplished one thing by doing and it felt really good. But sure enough, the place in which I felt the most purpose was in Being. Being at that store to see that little girl’s smile. Being in my room to continue the lifelong process of discernment. Being is not just a word that YAV likes a lot. Christian Theologians love it too. Buechner is currently talking about it in his book that I happen to be reading.

“Life is our little portion of Being itself. But that is only to define one mystery in terms of another. You and I and the most distant star and the dragonfly’s wing and the rustle of the leaves as they fall—these all have one thing in common, which is that they all are, we all are, part of Being.” – from The Magnificent Defeat by Frederick Buechner

I have indeed been drinking the YAV Kool- Aid, but let me tell you a secret. It is really quite delicious.

Living and loving

Sorry for the long delay without a blog post. I have been happily busy over the last 7 days. I will give you a quick recap of my stay at Mandiram with Nicole and the goings on of this past week.

We enjoyed an amazing dinner on Friday with a fellow foreigner who befriended Nicole in Kanjakuzhy, Jameela. She was raised in London and recently lived in Barcelona for a year. It was such a joy to sit around, have girl talk and make a new friend. She is sadly leaving Kerala this week after living here for two months because of a bad living and working situation. She and her boyfriend are traveling around India for the next month and we may be able to meet up with them before we say goodbye for good. On Saturday we had, what Nicole appropriately called in her blog post, a marathon shopping day. We also went to go see the circus!!! It included some really amazing acts and one or two really bizarre ones. One included a man spitting out three LIVE fish after drinking a pitcher of water.  If any of you don't know….I am afraid of clowns. Luckily the clowns at this circus were only included in a few acts…and they were very far away from me.  Here are some of the photos!

they were incredible!

There is a lady up there!

After a lazy day on Sunday full of napping reading and toenail painting (GREAT self-care), I headed back to Buchanan. During the first part of the school week we had Exhibitions for Science, Math (which is actually called Maths here) and Social Sciences. This mainly included presentations, still models and working models. They were all very impressive. One group built a working drawbridge! Impressive.  Wednesday kicked off the start of the Youth Festival, a three day event showcasing the arts! On Wednesday the students showed off their singing abilities. On Thursday they danced a huge array of traditional dances, most of them traditional dances of Kerala specifically. The dances also represented a wide array of religious backgrounds including one traditional Hindu dance called Thiruvadira, one Muslim bridal dance called Oppana, and a few simply cultural ones. Here is an awesome photo I got during a performance of Mohiniyatam.

Today the students will do some more dancing and perform one act plays and recitation. The enthusiasm across the campus is overwhelming. With all of the special events we have had since I came, I have gotten the opportunity to learn and remember many names and even more faces.  I am feeling so loved and taken care of this week it is crazy. This environment is helping me get more in touch with myself, my gifts, and my values. It is good to be thinking more intentionally, feeling more intensely and really expressing myself more openly.  I mention the feeling more intensely part because this week I have been particularly in touch with my emotions. The time that I have to reflect on the meaning of my emotions is so precious. It is helping me learn so much about my genuine character. Never have I been so slow and gracious with myself, and never have I felt more accepting of what this person I call “me” is made of. I received a pocket copy of the New Testament yesterday. In the the front section I found a page that caught my attention. John 3:16 is copied in my pocket Bible in 26 languages including Afrikaans, Icelandic, and Sinhalese to name a few. Did you know that Bible verse John 3:16 has been translated in 1,100 languages worldwide? I know I sure didn't.  It is good to know that we can hear how much God loves this world in so many places.

“Car Dieu a tant aimé le monde qui'il a donné son Fils unique, afin que quiconque croit en lui ne périsse point, mias qu'il ait la vie éternelle.” John 3:16 (in French)

Traveling Theology

The past few days have been lovely. I stayed at Jaimol Kochamma’s house and really enjoyed spending time with her and her family. I also experienced many “firsts” during my stay that were fun and very memorable. Here are a few of them:

1. I Skype-d with my parents for the first time since moving to Kerala.
2. I saw an iron that runs on coconut husks for the first time. Yes, I do mean an iron that irons clothing. Jaimol Kochamma had one small husk that had already been burned. She then set another on fire and placed it in the top compartment of the iron. The burning husks heat up the bottom, and sure enough it worked! I was fascinated.
3. I ate the entire body of a fish for the first time. Bones and all! I know this sounds strange, but they are tiny little minnows that are served fried very crispy. They have rubbery little bones that you can chew and are apparently full of Calcium. They were tasty!
4. I saw my first music concert in Kerala. It was a quartet competition called Quadrimonium held at CMS College. There were 27 groups! I got so into it. It made me miss my ACapella singing days something terrible. The songs were mostly Gospel and were sung beautifully. It was great to see the local talent. Claudia, one of the other volunteers, got to be a judge!
5. I bought my first Housecoat. For you Americans, it is basically a prettier version of the moo-moo. Women wear it around the house for various tasks. Mine is dark purple and blue and so cozy. I feel very much like a true Keralite in it.
6. I witnessed my very first blessing of an automobile. Jaimol Kochamma’s husband is the pastor at Ascension Church in Kottayam, and yesterday a family from their old parish came to the house to have their new car receive a blessing.

These are only a few of the new things I have experienced in India. To count them all would take forever, but I thought I’d give you all an idea of the daily surprises here. I would like to expand a little further on the blessing of the car idea so you don’t get the sense that it is strange. God is everywhere, and people here in Kerala understand that God is also on the roadways. Most, if not all vehicles are named, and many are named after Gods, Goddesses, or Saints. Icons and religious motifs are everywhere, even inside the public buses. As a person who enjoys naming objects (car, camera, computer, you name it) I really like the concept of naming your vehicle after a deity. This also makes sense because in Kerala and in most of the rest of India, the roadways are pretty dangerous. I think in the States it is easy lose touch with the people inside of vehicles and only see the machine itself. In Kerala I feel like recognizing that God, Baby Jesus (yes…8 pound 6 ounce Baby Jesus is on all kinds of vehicles), Lakshmi or Vishnu are with us as we drive gives each passenger a history to cling to. It doesn’t necessarily give each passenger a face or a name, but it gives a collective identity to the people inside each vehicle. A micro-community. We are all people, and we are acknowledging that we can’t make it very far without our God, no matter what we call him/her. I find that this notion is instrumental in my excitement each time I get on and off of a bus. It is a huge relief getting to each new place safely and successfully, but it is also a relief that even if I fail on the roadways, I still enjoy the journey. Maybe it is the icons talking, but I feel strangely at peace with being along for the ride. I think there is a metaphor for life somewhere in there, but I’ll let you figure that one out.

“We are not human beings on a spiritual journey; we are spiritual beings on a human journey.” -Stephen Covey

Renewing FUN!

Squishing into an Auto Rickshaw! 

Nicole's new Guitar! 

This weekend we had our first retreat in the town of Kottayam. It is only about 4 km from my home in Pallom. We had awesome Bible Studies, an important meeting with some officials at CMS College, A great session that helped us develop some new language training skills, and lots of free time.  It was a nice change of pace and it was really helpful to touch base with the other volunteers. We laughed off shared frustrations, told jokes, sang silly songs, made some beautiful music, and shared a little bit more of our personalities. The highlight of the trip was definitely our boat ride on the world famous backwaters. We got to drink water straight out of a coconut. First you drink the water, then someone pounds the coconut open and creates a little spoon with the hard outer shell. You are then supposed to scoop the tender, delicious coconut right out!

My Coconut

We all took turns snapping photos.  At the end of our ride we watched the Kerala palm trees sway against a sunset that God was clearly painting right in front of our eyes. It was a renewing meeting and overall it left me feeling immensely loved, appreciated and supported. I feel so thankful for each community that prays for me, nurtures me and helps me to grow. I have that in Texas, in many states in the U.S. and countries around the world (yeah YAVs, I mean you) and I have that everywhere I turn in India. I deeply missed the hostel girls while I was away. Sunday when I returned we played games and laughed and shared. They are all excited because there is another holiday this week. The girls get to go home from Tuesday until Sunday. I also have a long holiday. Only two work days! The whole hostel will shut down (including the food), so I am going to be splitting my time between Jaimol Kochamma’s house and Nicole’s place at Mandiram.  It should be another relaxing time, but I will be missing my Buchanan family all the while.

“Let us be grateful for the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust