Transition is a complicated word

Tonight, as I sat staring at my Facebook screen like a zombie, I realized there was a smile that I miss in my life. There are lots of smiles and laughs that filled the space of loneliness when I lived in Kerala. I miss them all dearly, but there is one little girl that my mind decided to focus on tonight.

I go through these phases where suddenly, one day I will see a girl's face. I won't just see her face, my mind will re-live her image. I find myself really trying hard to re-create the individuals I miss, the language I miss, the sounds I miss. I can't begin to tell you how deeply my heart aches to be called "Rachel-chechi" one more time.

Ian :)

I recently attended a Transition Retreat at Ghost Ranch for YAVs. It was a wonderful experience of fellowship and understanding. I had an amazing small group, and luckiest of all, I got to spend some quality time with Ian, my best friend for the entire time I was in India. We had time to process our experience together, as well as separately. I finally did something I have been telling myself I needed to do and got some counseling while I was there. Thank you PC(USA) for retreats with resources like the YAV re-entry. It was a huge blessing to lift things off of my heart, to be truly listened to, to feel appreciated by others, and to listen in return.

It has been a difficult transition period for me because I haven't quite decided what the "next big thing" is for me. YAV retreat helped me understand that I don't need to have all of that figured out, but knowing myself, I have been needing a change for a while. My life plan looks a little like this: Graduate college, do YAV, ....then what? I have had to do a lot of searching in my soul (so corny, sorry) and searching in the job market to decide where I want to be.

Me and Potts

The job opportunity that I posted about in D.C. did not work out, so I stayed at home and began work at my Father's restaurant. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to do that, but I am ready for a new beginning. I decided to start looking in Maryland because I have a lovely boyfriend who lives there (that's right Potts, you are on my blog) and because I came across a few interesting opportunities working with churches. My search led me to a position working with a church in Frederick, MD as a Children's Education Coordinator.

I am waiting to hear back on the position, and now I am in another strange waiting period. It reminds me of the period before I left for India when I was waiting for my visa. Time is slower in this waiting land. It doesn't help that I have been very sick and reclusive. Only time will tell about this job, but I am announcing to the world that come rain or shine, wind or storm, I will be moving to Maryland at the end of October/ start of November! If it's written in blog stone, it has to be real right?

light in the trees in Maryland

I got to scope out the area and I love it. I think I can see myself being happy there. I envision scenarios of me reading books, playing guitar and walking my dog. I envision maybe starting to sing again in a cheesy A Capella group. I imagine having a packed schedule and a daily routine and smiling a lot and biking to work. These are all things that I want for myself, and that I feel will contribute to my transition, and maybe ultimately my happiness.

So when I see the smile of Saira, the Balika Mandiram girl in my mind tonight, I wonder, can I ever strike a smile like she could? Can I ever
be truly and incandescently happy about the small things in life like she was every day? Can I pass on infectious joy like she does throughout the halls of Mandiram? The answer is hopefully yes, with God's help.

 “People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” 

                                                             - Mother Teresa-
                                     

A World in Communion

World Communion Sunday has always been one of my favorite holidays in the church calendar. I remember growing up in the church, it was a day of beautiful fabrics, loud noises, and new languages. I remember curiously gazing at a woman in traditional Kenyan dress. I remember the drums always being incorporated in some way. I especially remember hearing the Lord's Prayer said in a variety of different languages. I always loved that moment of chaos when the prayer begins and you realize that one of your neighbors actually knows the prayer fluently in Arabic.

I still love all of those things about World Communion Sunday. It still assaults the senses, and shakes up the stoic order of a traditional worship service. Yet, there was something different about this Sunday's experience. For the first time in a long time, I felt a deep connection to my brothers and sisters in India, and more importantly, a deep connection to people in every time and place across the world.

When I went to church services in Kerala, the only part of the service I could partially understand, was the procession and taking of Communion. Communion in and of itself is a unifying force in the Christian tradition. Literally...that's what communion means. It was also the key moment in every week when I took time to remember all the the "bodies of Christ" I am a part of. In other words, in Kerala, when I was taking communion, I was thinking about and praying for my community in Kerala, at home, in YAV, etc. etc.

I would also remind myself that even though the people at home were probably sleeping (time zones still exist) they may get up on Sunday and do something very similar to me. Wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, Go to church, take Communion. There may have been people all over the world that were doing exactly that. Feeling connected to people worldwide helped me to become more comfortable in my setting. Feeling connected to the body of the church and the life that flows within the church helped me to reach deeper into the meaning of Communion.

So, in my perspective, every time we take Communion, we are participating in a sort of World Communion Sunday. You are probably asking yourself, "Then Rachel, why was today a special experience of communion for you?" Well folks, to be very honest, I haven't taken very many Communions since I got back from India. I have not been a very dutiful church-goer. Simple as that. I know I don't need to explain myself to you readers, because I am sure you understand. Sometimes life gets hectic. Sometimes work gets crazy. Sometimes you are going through a hard time and church just doesn't feel worth getting in your car for. These things happen to each one of us.

Today, in the Sanctuary of my home church, I sat and prayed for each face, each voice, each life that touched mine in India. Then I prayed for each person who has life on this earth. I prayed that they might get up tomorrow morning, get dressed, eat breakfast, and live their lives. I prayed that each voice was heard. I prayed that each mouth would be fed. I prayed that each face would have a kiss on the cheek. This is a pretty optimistic prayer. Maybe a "head up in the clouds" type of prayer...but sometimes I feel like I need to have more hope for humanity while I pray.

I believe we must pray for the world in specific and beautiful ways, even if our prayers may not fit what is statistically probable for much of the population. I feel connected to the body of the world today and I pray for the fullness of life we all deserve. The fullness of life that does not come from material possessions, annual salaries, or political agendas. The fullness that comes from forgetting those things, and accepting a hug instead. The fullness that comes from making things possible for others and for ourselves. The fullness that comes from a world that is working tirelessly to change.

I leave you with a quote from the book I am currently reading, Everything Must Change: When the World's Biggest Problems and Jesus' Good News Collide by Brian D. McLaren. At a conference in Bujumbura, Burundi, Africa, a young girl Justine seems shaken up after a discussion. Here is what she has to say about the church and the world we live in:

" Today, for the first time, I see what Jesus meant by the kingdom of God. I see that it's about changing this world, not just escaping it and retreating into our churches. If Jesus' message of the kingdom of God is true, then everything must change. Everything must change."