Transition is a complicated word

Tonight, as I sat staring at my Facebook screen like a zombie, I realized there was a smile that I miss in my life. There are lots of smiles and laughs that filled the space of loneliness when I lived in Kerala. I miss them all dearly, but there is one little girl that my mind decided to focus on tonight.

I go through these phases where suddenly, one day I will see a girl's face. I won't just see her face, my mind will re-live her image. I find myself really trying hard to re-create the individuals I miss, the language I miss, the sounds I miss. I can't begin to tell you how deeply my heart aches to be called "Rachel-chechi" one more time.

Ian :)

I recently attended a Transition Retreat at Ghost Ranch for YAVs. It was a wonderful experience of fellowship and understanding. I had an amazing small group, and luckiest of all, I got to spend some quality time with Ian, my best friend for the entire time I was in India. We had time to process our experience together, as well as separately. I finally did something I have been telling myself I needed to do and got some counseling while I was there. Thank you PC(USA) for retreats with resources like the YAV re-entry. It was a huge blessing to lift things off of my heart, to be truly listened to, to feel appreciated by others, and to listen in return.

It has been a difficult transition period for me because I haven't quite decided what the "next big thing" is for me. YAV retreat helped me understand that I don't need to have all of that figured out, but knowing myself, I have been needing a change for a while. My life plan looks a little like this: Graduate college, do YAV, ....then what? I have had to do a lot of searching in my soul (so corny, sorry) and searching in the job market to decide where I want to be.

Me and Potts

The job opportunity that I posted about in D.C. did not work out, so I stayed at home and began work at my Father's restaurant. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to do that, but I am ready for a new beginning. I decided to start looking in Maryland because I have a lovely boyfriend who lives there (that's right Potts, you are on my blog) and because I came across a few interesting opportunities working with churches. My search led me to a position working with a church in Frederick, MD as a Children's Education Coordinator.

I am waiting to hear back on the position, and now I am in another strange waiting period. It reminds me of the period before I left for India when I was waiting for my visa. Time is slower in this waiting land. It doesn't help that I have been very sick and reclusive. Only time will tell about this job, but I am announcing to the world that come rain or shine, wind or storm, I will be moving to Maryland at the end of October/ start of November! If it's written in blog stone, it has to be real right?

light in the trees in Maryland

I got to scope out the area and I love it. I think I can see myself being happy there. I envision scenarios of me reading books, playing guitar and walking my dog. I envision maybe starting to sing again in a cheesy A Capella group. I imagine having a packed schedule and a daily routine and smiling a lot and biking to work. These are all things that I want for myself, and that I feel will contribute to my transition, and maybe ultimately my happiness.

So when I see the smile of Saira, the Balika Mandiram girl in my mind tonight, I wonder, can I ever strike a smile like she could? Can I ever
be truly and incandescently happy about the small things in life like she was every day? Can I pass on infectious joy like she does throughout the halls of Mandiram? The answer is hopefully yes, with God's help.

 “People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” 

                                                             - Mother Teresa-