Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Dinner

One of the adorable hand turkeys last week. By Richel, she means Rachel

After the church service at Pulard Church

TTC students and me in my Sari!

Mysore and More!

    Last Week I embarked on a journey with the 1oth standard classes at Buchanan. We went on tour to Mysore in two buses fully packed with students. There was one English Medium bus and one Malayalam Medium bus (“medium” means which language they focus most on in school) and I sat on the Malayalam Medium bus. I sat next to two girls, Adira and Shruti for the entire trip. They were very good companions to me while I was on the bus and off. So we sat down, ready to drive all night and some of the next day to get to our destinations. Parents crowded around the bus yelling in the windows telling the girls to stay safe. We pulled away and not 2 minutes down the road, the lights suddenly went off and the music was pulsing-in-your-chest loud. The girls all started dancing in the center aisle. The next time I looked up there was a LASER SHOW in the bus, I kid you not. The girls dragged me on to the dance floor and I danced with them like no one was watching. Dancing with them amidst the lasers and the far too loud music that first night is a feeling I will not soon forget.  The original excitement of the music (the first pop music I have heard since being here in India) faded over time. At 6 a.m. (maybe earlier) the music was bumping again. I tried to stay enthusiastic, but given my awful sleep in the bus, I was just plain exhausted.

The Pray-time in the Playtime

 I woke up Saturday morning with tons of energy. Breakfast helped me maintain an even happier attitude because it was one of my favorites, chopati and potato curry. Chopati is a flat bread very similar to a tortilla made with wheat flour, water and oil and cooked on a flat surface. The potato curry is really the best part of this breakfast because it contains all of the things I love about food: heaps of garlic, onions cooked until they are almost mush, mustard seed and small pieces of potato throughout. The resulting curry actually reminds me of a hearty, traditional German potato salad. I then asked Mariamma Kochamma if I could pray at evening prayer and she said yes!  So, while I lingered in heaven post breakfast, I actually sat and re-read one of my books called Praying in Color. The author outlines a way to pray with colored pencils and markers that really speaks to me. It is especially relevant for me to resort to this child like stage of “coloring” as I teach and learn from kids.  I did a drawing in my journal based on a verse from John Phillip Newell’s new book of prayers and then went next door to the children’s hostel.

 I brought a set of “I Spy” cards and played a memory game with the girls for hours. I forgot how fun it is to sit and play a game that really makes people of all ages think. At the end of each game when we counted up our pairs, none of the girls pointed to the person with the least amount of cards and called them a “loser.” One of us came in first place, one came in second, and the rest were in last place. There is such a huge difference between those two concepts, and they recognized that. It was such an amazingly inclusive philosophy, essentially pointing out that there are no winners and losers. We all deserved credit for playing the whole game. We took a break for lunch and when we came back there was a bit of a distraction from game playing. We had a snake in the bushes. The girls reactions were priceless and hilarious. They took turns shouting “pamba, pamba, pamba” (the Malayalam word for snake) and pointing so I could see it hiding in the middle of the bush. I did see it, but it didn’t seem that scary all hidden and tucked away. It looked like it was kind of….happy just relaxing in its natural habitat. The girls however, wanted to kill it. Reshmi and Anu were the funniest. Reshmi stood on the other side of the bush throwing handfuls of dirt toward the snake. Once it was out of sight Anu took matters into her own hands. She grabbed a long broom handle and started poking in the bush. I tried to tell them that these actions were probably not a good idea and may make the snake angrier, but most of it was lost amidst the screams and my broken efforts at Malayalam. When I said “Snakes isch ta mayi,”the girls looked at me like I was crazy because I had just said “I like snakes” in Malayalam. It was my feeble attempt to get them to back away from a bush that contained unknown danger. We also had a visit from a millipede that Anu could and did kill. We then had a funeral for the millipede and Kunya, Anu’s sister, acted as the wife in mourning. She pulled her hair and fake cried and placed flowers on the milipede’s grave. We were all rolling with laughter. We danced and sang and told the older girls later of the snake and the defeat of the millipede. I love spending time with the younger girls because I think at heart I am approximately 12 years old.

Later I went over to K.N.H. Hostel. I would like to correct one of my earlier blog posts because the hostel is actually financed by donors in (once again) Germany. There are actually K.N.H. Hostels all around Kerala. I went over and spoke with Jolly the child care coordinator about what day is convenient for me to visit and play with the girls. I noticed that in the corner of her office there was a nice computer with a wireless internet connection that was turned off and looked as if it hadn’t been touched in forever. I asked her about it and she said she can never remember how to do anything on the computer. That is one thing that I told her I could easily teach her. She was grateful and said we should work out a time to practice her skills. We went outside with the girls and played a name game, freeze tag and Badminton. Fun fact: Badminton is called “Shuttle-butt” here. I have no idea why, but occasionally I let out an immature giggle when it is mentioned. I hadn’t exercised or been out in the sun for that long since I got sick with my infection, so I went back to my room to drink water and relax. I came back to find the girls at my hostel pulling weeds and singing songs across the yard to each other. Not two minutes after my return, I heard a knock on my door. It was Joshmi and Lindu, two girls I have really bonded with since they are second year students and live on the bottom floor of the hostel with me. Joshmi said she needed to go to Aksa’s Studio and that they needed my help finding materials for teaching to put on a CD. I jumped at the first opportunity I have had to go anywhere outside the hostel with the students. Since it was a necessity for their school work it also didn’t come across as playing favorites, which I am thankful for.

We walked to Aksa’s and found that the website they were given didn’t work. I worked the keyboard as they told me what they needed for their lessons on animals. They needed photos of omnivores, lizards, horned animals fighting, carnivores eating their pray and the life cycle of a frog to name a few. They laughed at some of my squeamish reactions to animals brutally devouring other animals and oohed and ahhed at the results of each image search on Google. Each time a page came up they said they wanted all of the photos. We copied around 110 photos onto their CDs, so I almost fully obeyed their request. I then showed them my Facebook page and some photos of my time here in Kerala, family and friends. Lindu then shyly asked me if I could search a movie she wanted to see. She tended to focus on one very popular Tamil actor named Surya. She gasped, fanned herself and told me that he was her favorite and that she thought of him as a brother. I couldn’t help but love seeing this girl all wrapped up in her idol. It was so endearing to think that girls all across the world react to their favorite movie star this way. Josh Hartnett used to get a similar response from me when I was her age. I told her I could take some of his pictures on my USB drive if she wanted, and she jumped at the idea. We left happily and parted ways because K.N.H. had invited me to be part of their evening prayer.

At K.N.H. the girls used tambourines and drums to sing two Malayalam songs. We read Bible verses and I taught the girls “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”. I prayed and ran back to the Buchanan Hostel to make it to my scheduled evening prayer. I ran in a little late, but only into the first song. Kochamma thanked me for my prayer and then asked in her very small amount of English, “You pray for me?” I responded that I did every night, which is true.

It was a day truly soaked with prayer. I am so thankful that God sent me the gift of a day filled with rewarding worship. Maybe God is telling me that I am worshiping every day without even knowing it. I feel so blessed to be here sweating, singing, laughing, praying and playing. Tuesday until Thursday night I am traveling to another state with the 10^th grade class. We are going on the class tour to the city of Mysore in the neighboring state of Karnataka. I am told it has nice gardens and a beautiful palace. I am excited to experience something new with this wonderful community. Who knows what thrills await on the trip! I am ready for another adventure in playtime.

“Play is honest. You can’t play unless you are yourself. When we pray, God wants us to be ourselves, not some image of ourselves, but the real thing. Playfulness can take us to a place of honesty and allow us to temporarily drop our external persona.” – from Praying in Color by Sybil MacBeth

Home

Meditating. It is truly an art. I don’t know how many times I have attempted to quiet my mind and just meditate on a saying, word or thought. It is difficult to concentrate in a place constantly buzzing with noise and life. The main places that I have recently enjoyed meditating sound a little funny, but I will explain. I meditate on the roof of my hostel in the early morning and in auto rickshaws.

The roof of the hostel is a big open area with a few clothes lines for drying, partially covered in case of rain. Being up there alone makes me feel centered. I feel as if I am surveying the land I now belong to kind of like Simba in the Lion King, except I am not a ruler of the land. The land is my ruler in many ways, and this fact helps me to quiet my mind and accept being part of this place. The people of this land almost worship it with their devotion. Connecting to it is the only way I can truly honor my time in “God’s Own Country.” I sit with my thoughts, do yoga, and sometimes dance up there when I feel like it. It is sacred ground. Sometimes I am “being still” and acknowledging God’s presence, and sometimes I get so happy I am forced to move. I feel so at peace when I celebrate nature in this way.

My meditation in the auto rickshaw is kind of the opposite of my rooftop meditation practice. An auto rickshaw is public transportation, like a taxi. It consists of a motorcycle- type driving mechanism in the front area where the driver sits. Fondly referred to as an “auto,” the vehicle has three wheels and is generally covered in the front and back complete with a small windshield, but open on the sides. The back is normally a long, fairly comfortable bench type seat. On days when buses are pretty chaotic sometimes it is nice to take an auto. I also take one every Thursday to my classes at Pakil and CMS school. I have noticed that there is just something about wind in my face that makes me want to pray. Bouncing along in an auto with wind blowing in at all sides, horns honking, and the smells of the road assaulting my senses, I meditate. I practice quieting my mind amongst these hectic surroundings. As I breathe I feel more and more patient. I forget my control-freak ways and simply trust that the driver will get me where I need to go. In the auto I also use a prayer that I learned from my Vocational Discernment Journal. It is called the “Here I am” prayer. You start by simply taking in your surroundings and saying “here I am in ________.” In this case I would say “here I am in an auto rickshaw.” As you get used to your environment you change the saying to simply “here I am,” declaring your presence in the space. You can repeat that as many times as you need to feel secure in this announcement. The final part of the prayer is a really cool conclusion that never ceases to amaze me. As I sit in the back of an auto saying, “here I am in the presence of God,” I feel like a part of something big. It is great to realize that nothing is untouched by God, and it reminds me to stay focused on the fact that no matter what, I am never out of God’s presence.

I also have started saying something new as I ride along. Thursday I quietly whispered “this is my home.” It just kind of came naturally as I took the familiar road to Pakil school. It felt right and true. I declared it many times as I passed workers and homes and trees. The wind luckily carries my strange whispering away from the driver and into the atmosphere. Even if the breeze didn’t hide my voice I think I would still talk in the back of an auto. I am that crazy, crunchy, hippie girl talking to herself again. That is alright with me.

Later that day at CMS Upper Primary school, I talked freely with the English teacher about a gift of mine that I really miss using. Singing. Singing is honestly another form of meditation for me and without having a choir to belong to, I feel like a teammate without a team. Sunitha, the English teacher said on the spot that there were two teachers at CMS who belonged to local choirs. She introduced me to both of them and they said both choirs would have no problem helping me along with Manglish (Malayalam words translated to English letters for easy pronunciation) to learn the songs! I am so thankful for the opportunity to praise God through music. It is an exciting development that will make me feel even more at home here.

“The one thing in the world of value is the active soul.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

First Year students in the hostel, my home.

Recovery

        November has already proven to be an interesting month, but for now I would like to revisit the end of October. I haven’t documented YAV retreat number 2 on my blog, so here is a quick review of some of the events. Wednesday October 26th was Diwali, so I left early Wednesday morning to visit Aluva. Nicole, Ian, and Claudia joined us on Thursday and we began Retreat number 2. Thursday, I searched and searched for Parks and Recreation on the Internet, and sure enough, I got to watch 3 whole episodes of my favorite show! On Friday our day was fairly….intense. We spent almost all day long sharing. First we shared reflections in Bible Study, then opened up to the larger things we have been encountering this past month. We shared all of the wonderful things about our sites, and also openly shared about our hardships. It was also Betty Kochamma’s Birthday on Friday! We had a nice celebration for her with friends and family, great food and great music. Binu played some really some of her favorite songs. Achen fed her cake. It was a really beautiful display of family love. I am so grateful that we are now a part of their family as well. On Saturday we went to a mall. Yes….a mall. We all found a few goodies from a bookstore very similar to Barnes and Noble. I spoiled myself with a few movies! On Saturday night I skyped with my family and I was reminded of how lucky I am to be blessed with their awesomeness.  On Sunday October 30^th we went to church, had some lunch, and boarded a train back to Kottayam. I was sad to leave the little oasis that is the Aluva house. It was a great time for a little bit of pampering, comfort, and joy. I rested that night ready for school the next day and excited to be back at Buchanan.

 October 31^st was full of a few scary things as usual, but not the kind with trick-or-treating. I woke up with a high fever. Luckily on the Buchanan campus we have a “hospital.” I put it in quotes not because it is a fake hospital or is unworthy of the title hospital, I would just like for all of you readers to adjust your idea of what a hospital is for a moment. In the U.S. people in hospitals are very sick, constantly monitored, and hooked up to all kinds of machinery charting the progress of the gravely ill patient. You probably recall your last trip to an American hospital, and when you read the word here, you may be projecting that experience ever so slightly into my explanation of the medical system. Please don’t. Stay Calm. In Kerala hospitals are for the sick, of course, but they are for all kinds of illnesses. Every illness is welcome in a hospital because each hospital has specialists who can cater to different sicknesses. So the hospital doubles as a doctor’s office for many illnesses that in the U.S. we would normally just get a pill for and go home. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I will continue my story.

The Doctor at the Buchanan hospital didn’t really know what to do with my unrelated symptoms of nausea, but he did see that I had a severe ear infection in both ears. If this diagnosis sounds familiar to you close friends and family, you are right! I had an ear infection in August after Stony Point before I came to India. So, with some advice from the teachers, I went to Mandiram Hospital. They told me I might be there for up to three days so I packed some clothes and hoped for the best. Nicole lives and works at Mandiram Society which is part of the hospital’s institution. Naturally, I gave her a call. She was sick too and her symptoms were eerily similar to mine, so we were going to be admitted to the hospital together. We were both suffering from dehydration, so we were treated for that. The ENT titled my illness a “chronic ear infection” since it hadn’t fully healed since August, and started me on Antibiotics right away. Nicole and I were right next door to each other in the M.Ward. It was a place of rest that looked very different than an Amercian hospital, but not at all bad different. There were no wires hooking up to complex machines, no bed that moved up and down with the touch of a button, and no TV. The room included a bed, an extra bed for family, and a bathroom attached to the side. My window overlooked the garden, a cleaning service came daily to keep things nice, and our food was taken care of by Mandiram Society. We were monitored very often by the nurses, and we also had many visitors from the outside world. Claudia came to visit, Jaimol Kochamma and her husband came twice, and countless members of the Mandiram staff spent their time to come see us. 

Nicole was released on Thursday the 3^rd with a good report, and I was released Friday morning with many pills and an order to continue resting. To get back on my feet, I stayed at Mandiram Society until this morning. My days were full of rest, recovery, and really good company. Nicole has been such a blessing to have during these difficult times. We worked through the challenge of being sick and far from home together. We even helped give our families some peace of mind to our greatest abilities.

This illness also helped me to recognize some small opportunities for me. An opportunity to give myself grace for my lack of energy for the past two months, an opportunity to rest and not feel lazy about resting, and an opportunity to change my focus. I became very honest with myself in many of my discussions with Nicole and started getting to the root of some of my problems as a person. I often focus too much on affirmation from external sources to feel self- worth. I am sharing it because I am aware that it is a common issue in people.  I have been lacking in my ability to internally affirm myself for my whole life. In other words, I am very self-critical and my natural internal nitpicking is doing a lot to reverse the effectiveness of my year here.  I have been reaching out to those external sources ever so slightly even here in India, and that is something that needs to stop being about affirmation and more about support.  I am not doing this year to “find myself” but I am doing it so I can focus on what I like about myself here, and in general. A huge part of discernment is internal, and I feel that it is important to become more in touch with the good things about me and how to create affirmation for myself. So here I am, back at Buchanan, ready for another week of school.  The joy of interacting with children is one thing that really helps me be myself. I like me around kids. So until I’m at a point of utter nirvana with self-acceptance, you can find me here among the children, counting the many blessings they provide.Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. They were felt all the way across the world!

“If you hear a voice within you that says, ‘You cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” – Vincent Van Gogh (the first quote I turned to  today in my quote book) 

A Positive Difference

All of my posts up to this point have expressed my joy for my new community and the love that I am experiencing here in Kerala. These postings will always be real and relevant in my life here. There are also many things I encounter here that are difficult to process. This will also always be a part of my life here.

 Before leaving the States I think I had lost a lot of pride in my country. In my eyes, The U.S. is guilty of so much corruption, so much systemic silencing of people, and so much blatant capitalism. These issues of course exist in India too, and in a globalized world these issues are everywhere. For the first month that I was here,  my feelings of shame were still present as I attempted to "break into the Kerala consciousness". This is what I told myself, but truly I was just digging. I was digging to see what similarities and differences we held close to our hearts. I wanted to get into the "bigger issues" and delve deep immediately into the cultural iceberg. My digging has not been in vain, but it has resulted in some of the aforementioned difficulties. I can conclude now that maybe I wasn't searching for similarities, but only for differences. One of the main issues I was quickly struck by is the most complicated issue we face today. The issue of poverty. My initial reaction to the atmosphere of India was awe at so much poverty and so much wealth existing side by side. Every street is evidence of this intense separation. There was also something beautiful to me about seeing wealth and poverty co-exist so simply. It was honest. Each city was not trying to hide people in poverty. They were not shuttled off to one corner of the town in cardboard homes. Many people are in poverty here, that is a fact. There is still much work to be done to pull individuals out of poverty, but society is trying more and more to compassionately support their neighbors. I will spend all year studying the many systems that take away the voices of those in poverty in Kerala.

The quick conclusion I drew about the U.S. is that we are guilty of hiding our poverty. There is certainly an ever present stigma that comes along with poverty, yet so many live under the poverty line. Why do we insist upon making people suffer through our systemic injustice to the poor? Why do we insist that they remain voiceless? Why are so many people able to ignore this as an issue? I was finally proud of my country today after watching a program on www.democracynow.org. The Occupy Wall Street Movement, whether you agree with it or not, is evidence that the richest nation in the world is at least starting to believe in the voices of those who are in poverty. We are beginning to allow poverty, suffering, and injustice to surface in a big way. Voices are being heard and history is being made. Maybe my conclusion can be proved false. I am not physically invested in this movement because I am so far from home, but I am so thankful for the people who are going out there and peacefully protesting. I am really proud of my country's ability to finally admit that we have huge issues to face.

In conclusion, The U.S. and India have many similarities and many differences. It isn't my job to fully think them through, but I am proud to say that both of the places I call home are working hard to bring justice to those who have long been forgotten.

"None of us alone can save the nation or the world. But each of us can make a positive difference if we commit ourselves to do so."- Cornel West

What's Agape Got to do with it?

Sneham is the Malayalam word for love. Within my first few weeks here, the hostel girls taught me how to say Nyan Ninne Snehikkunnu which means I love you. When I say it back to them I always opt for the more inclusive option, Nyan Nyingale Snehikkunnu which means I love you all. I finished Sherlock Holmes on Saturday so I started reading a new book that I was really excited about. It is called The Pilgrimage and it is the truthful account of Author Paulo Coelho’s walk on the Road to Santiago. The road is an ancient one with a rich history of past pilgrims. In the book, Coelho’s guide teaches him about the three words for love in Greek, philos, eros and agape. Philos is the love of friendship and companionship; eros is passionate, irrational, romantic love but agape is the love this guide focuses on. The guide tells Coelho that “Agape is total love. It is the love that consumes the person who experiences it. Whoever knows and experiences agape learns that nothing else in the world is important—just love. This was the kind of love that Jesus felt for humanity, and it was so great that it shook the stars and changed the course of history.” Just as I read this passage on Saturday, literally right as I read the word “history”, my door creaked open. Thirteen year old Saina walked in and gently placed two chocolates on my bed. She did this all in complete silence. I said thank you and she just nodded and walked out of the room. I sat on my bed with my jaw completely dropped by this perfect alignment of incidents. It was as if Saina had waited until the exact right moment to come in and give me this selfless display of love. At Austin College I studied the principal of love a lot. Eros, philos and agape were ideas that were ever present in my studies and were often on my mind. As someone who has never claimed to have “been in love”, I constantly found myself creating meaning in my relationships of philos. In other words, my love came from my friends, family and others .The “others” category is pretty much solely for my dogs. Haha. Eros is something that my studies told me was fleeting and totally captivating. Lasting relationships that begin with eros the feelings of romance fade a little and become more rooted in the companionship of philos. Agape, however, has always been a mystery to me. I have contemplated it, written essays on it, and have seen it dictated in my faith tradition, but I never thought I could know what it means to feel agape. I had labeled it as a feeling reserved for God, unreachable by our human hands. Coelho’s book finally put this concept into completely understandable terms for me. When we feel an immense love for the world, for our surroundings, and for our experiences, we are experiencing agape. When we feel we are about to burst with love for every living thing on the planet, agape is freely flowing through us. When we cry because we are so happy, we are living agape. When Saina put those sweets on my bed, I first felt that it was a funny coincidence, but then I felt this overwhelming bursting feeling deep in my chest. This description probably makes you worried for my health, but no it was not my heart, it was my soul. My soul felt completely full of love for every person, every plant, every animal, every bug, and every tiny little microbe of bacteria that is part of this world that I am living in. I prayed right then and there because I couldn’t let the moment pass me by. I couldn’t let it be a coincidence. So for me, this was a small miracle that filled me to the brim. I felt agape not from a grand gesture, but from a small sacrifice and a silent nod. 

I was also filled with a huge sense of love on Sunday when I went to go see Nicole do her sermon at Mandiram. Her message was powerful and the perfect call to action for those of us who feel we are doing enough by performing our traditions. She reminded believers everywhere that we must fully commit to creating meaning through our actions. Communion is an act that meets me where I am each time I receive it. Fun Fact: I never in my life have rejected taking it. On Sunday, Communion felt like a real, full, agape filled sacrifice, which is how it should always feel. I hope to continue to find moments in which my soul can be productive through loving God and the world totally and completely. I also hope that my friends from all different types of backgrounds can relate to the struggle to find meaning and love in a world where traditions become stale and God’s love seems far from us. The love of God embraces each human being! Let’s act like it!

“Why do some people say that there is just one way to love you God and come to you? We are all a part of you.” – from “I Love You and Buddha Too” a song by Mason Jennings

"By Jove, I Think She's Got It!"

This is a normal week at school. This is also the first week we have not had a holiday or a special schedule, so I thought I’d post my daily schedule for you guys to see!

6:00-6:15 Wake Up (the first bell in the hostel is actually at 5:30, but I would be a super zombie if I ever woke up that early.)

6:30- 7:00 Morning Prayer. We sing one song and read one chapter from the New Testament and one Psalm

7:00- 8:30 Get ready for school. For me this normally means go back to sleep for a little while. Sometimes this is a good time to get in exercise.

8:30-9:00 Breakfast

9:15- 9:30 Staff Prayer and School Prayer

9:30 Classes Begin!

12:30-1:30 Lunch

3:30 School is Out

3:30- 4:00 Sometimes this is enough time for a walk to Aksa’s Studio, the nearby Internet Café.

4:00-4:30 Tea Break

4:30- 6:30 Exercise, nap, read, hang out with the girls at the hostel etc.

6:30-7:15 Evening Prayer. We sing three songs and read one chapter from the New Testament and one Psalm.

7:15- 8:30 Study Malayalam

8:30- 9:00 Dinner

9:00-10:30 Prepare lessons and rest

10:30 Lights out

I noticed that I haven’t said much about the school yet. Buchanan is a school that is not quite private and not quite public. The staff’s salary is paid by the Government, but no other aspect of the school is paid for. The school gets funds from a number of organizations and has many things donated, such as computers. The campus was started by missionaries. It is one of the oldest missionary campuses in Kerala. The campus grounds are also shared by other schools. The students at my hostel attend the Teacher Training Institute that is adjoined with the Buchanan campus. Two other campuses also share the grounds, Bishop Speechly School and Bishop Speechly College. There are also three hostels on the campus grounds: B.I. Boarding (My hostel), K.N.H. Hostel (a home for girls whose living expenses are sponsored by local church members), and the Bishop Speechly College boarding facility. There is another school within walking distance called the CMS Upper Primary school. It is a public facility that is mainly a boys school. They just started admitting girls to the campus a few years ago.

A typical day of teaching for me includes about 4 or 5 class periods out of 7. I teach “English Language Skills” at Buchanan to grades (here grades are called standards) 5, 7 and 8. I stay at Buchanan all day for teaching on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday. On Wednesday, I split my time between Bishop Speechly School and Buchanan classes. On Thursday I go to area schools where I am needed. I often go to Lower Primary classes. I really enjoy teaching the younger kids. Standards 2 and 3 are my favorite! They are too cute, and they love learning action songs (which of course is my favorite to teach.) I teach on Thursdays at Pakil Lower Primary, CMS Lower Primary School and CMS Upper Primary School. In November I will hopefully begin a conversation class at Bishop Speechly College with students who want to practice and further their skills in English.

I am enjoying being silly with kids this week. In a few of my classes I got to read one of my favorite children’s books that I brought with me, “The Napping House”. We listened for key words like dog, cat, thump, bump and napping and did sounds and actions each time I read the word in the story.  On the word “napping” the students all had very realistic and goofy yawns. Their laughter is the one thing that keeps me in such high spirits as I teach. This week I am also starting the process of designing an exercise class for the hostel students. Madison left a few DVDs here and I have been trying them out. I am honestly a little nervous to lead it, but I think as long as there is a lot of laughter and no one takes my clumsiness too seriously, it could be a lot of fun.

“It may not be that you yourself are luminous, but you are a conductor of light.”

 – from Sherlock Holmes: Volume II  by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. (I am reading two books at once. I got hooked on this old school classic while helping one of the girls in the hostel do a book review on it. Holmes and Watson’s relationship makes me laugh. Nerdy, I know.)

Being

Henna on my hands done by may students. Here they call it Mylangie

I would like to say in this blog that if you have ever felt accomplished because you just mopped your own floor, it’s okay. You are not weird. You are also not alone. Saturday morning I woke up on a mission to get my floor mopped. I had most likely neglected this necessary duty for a little too long. So first, I went out and purchased a mop. I travelled to the nearby town of Chingavanam by bus and quickly found a few stores that covered my necessities. In one of the stores the clerk helped me diligently. I have noticed that here this basically means you are followed around the store and given advice on your purchase. For example, I handed him a soap caddy I wanted to purchase. He shook his head and went back through the pile picking me one that didn’t have the label peeling off on the corner, a detail that I completely failed to notice. He also directed me to the side of the store and suddenly said “student.” Right there in the store was one of the adorable faces I have come to recognize at Buchanan. I said hello to her and her mother and the girls lit up with a smile. I used what Malayalam I have (which is still not much) and then they were on their way. That one interaction really brightened my day and made me feel at home. I am from a small town, and those kinds of interactions can often only come in a small town atmosphere. It provided me great comfort as I trekked back out onto the streets with a mop in tow. I generally stick out more than the average Keralite given my light brown hair and fair complexion, but walking around the town with a mop in my hand made me a sight to behold. I decided that instead of looking ridiculous on the bus, I would take an auto rickshaw home. The mopping process began shortly after my arrival at Buchanan. First water, then a Lysol-like solution mixed with water, then a layer of rinsing water and a towel over the floor to make it SHINE. I sat out in the study area and worked a little bit on my Malayalam while the floor dried. I felt so proud once they were done that I celebrated with a nap! I also began looking over the “Volunteers Exploring Vocation Discernment Journal” we were handed at Orientation. It is basically a guide to thoughtfully, prayerfully, and willfully consider a question you have about your vocation. My question is centered on graduate studies and when/ where/ how I want to pursue that degree. I hope that this will be a productive way to meditate on the path that is best for me. SO I found joy the little things and also enjoyed thinking about the big scary things. I accomplished one thing by doing and it felt really good. But sure enough, the place in which I felt the most purpose was in Being. Being at that store to see that little girl’s smile. Being in my room to continue the lifelong process of discernment. Being is not just a word that YAV likes a lot. Christian Theologians love it too. Buechner is currently talking about it in his book that I happen to be reading.

“Life is our little portion of Being itself. But that is only to define one mystery in terms of another. You and I and the most distant star and the dragonfly’s wing and the rustle of the leaves as they fall—these all have one thing in common, which is that they all are, we all are, part of Being.” – from The Magnificent Defeat by Frederick Buechner

I have indeed been drinking the YAV Kool- Aid, but let me tell you a secret. It is really quite delicious.

Living and loving

Sorry for the long delay without a blog post. I have been happily busy over the last 7 days. I will give you a quick recap of my stay at Mandiram with Nicole and the goings on of this past week.

We enjoyed an amazing dinner on Friday with a fellow foreigner who befriended Nicole in Kanjakuzhy, Jameela. She was raised in London and recently lived in Barcelona for a year. It was such a joy to sit around, have girl talk and make a new friend. She is sadly leaving Kerala this week after living here for two months because of a bad living and working situation. She and her boyfriend are traveling around India for the next month and we may be able to meet up with them before we say goodbye for good. On Saturday we had, what Nicole appropriately called in her blog post, a marathon shopping day. We also went to go see the circus!!! It included some really amazing acts and one or two really bizarre ones. One included a man spitting out three LIVE fish after drinking a pitcher of water.  If any of you don't know….I am afraid of clowns. Luckily the clowns at this circus were only included in a few acts…and they were very far away from me.  Here are some of the photos!

they were incredible!

There is a lady up there!

After a lazy day on Sunday full of napping reading and toenail painting (GREAT self-care), I headed back to Buchanan. During the first part of the school week we had Exhibitions for Science, Math (which is actually called Maths here) and Social Sciences. This mainly included presentations, still models and working models. They were all very impressive. One group built a working drawbridge! Impressive.  Wednesday kicked off the start of the Youth Festival, a three day event showcasing the arts! On Wednesday the students showed off their singing abilities. On Thursday they danced a huge array of traditional dances, most of them traditional dances of Kerala specifically. The dances also represented a wide array of religious backgrounds including one traditional Hindu dance called Thiruvadira, one Muslim bridal dance called Oppana, and a few simply cultural ones. Here is an awesome photo I got during a performance of Mohiniyatam.

Today the students will do some more dancing and perform one act plays and recitation. The enthusiasm across the campus is overwhelming. With all of the special events we have had since I came, I have gotten the opportunity to learn and remember many names and even more faces.  I am feeling so loved and taken care of this week it is crazy. This environment is helping me get more in touch with myself, my gifts, and my values. It is good to be thinking more intentionally, feeling more intensely and really expressing myself more openly.  I mention the feeling more intensely part because this week I have been particularly in touch with my emotions. The time that I have to reflect on the meaning of my emotions is so precious. It is helping me learn so much about my genuine character. Never have I been so slow and gracious with myself, and never have I felt more accepting of what this person I call “me” is made of. I received a pocket copy of the New Testament yesterday. In the the front section I found a page that caught my attention. John 3:16 is copied in my pocket Bible in 26 languages including Afrikaans, Icelandic, and Sinhalese to name a few. Did you know that Bible verse John 3:16 has been translated in 1,100 languages worldwide? I know I sure didn't.  It is good to know that we can hear how much God loves this world in so many places.

“Car Dieu a tant aimé le monde qui'il a donné son Fils unique, afin que quiconque croit en lui ne périsse point, mias qu'il ait la vie éternelle.” John 3:16 (in French)

Traveling Theology

The past few days have been lovely. I stayed at Jaimol Kochamma’s house and really enjoyed spending time with her and her family. I also experienced many “firsts” during my stay that were fun and very memorable. Here are a few of them:

1. I Skype-d with my parents for the first time since moving to Kerala.
2. I saw an iron that runs on coconut husks for the first time. Yes, I do mean an iron that irons clothing. Jaimol Kochamma had one small husk that had already been burned. She then set another on fire and placed it in the top compartment of the iron. The burning husks heat up the bottom, and sure enough it worked! I was fascinated.
3. I ate the entire body of a fish for the first time. Bones and all! I know this sounds strange, but they are tiny little minnows that are served fried very crispy. They have rubbery little bones that you can chew and are apparently full of Calcium. They were tasty!
4. I saw my first music concert in Kerala. It was a quartet competition called Quadrimonium held at CMS College. There were 27 groups! I got so into it. It made me miss my ACapella singing days something terrible. The songs were mostly Gospel and were sung beautifully. It was great to see the local talent. Claudia, one of the other volunteers, got to be a judge!
5. I bought my first Housecoat. For you Americans, it is basically a prettier version of the moo-moo. Women wear it around the house for various tasks. Mine is dark purple and blue and so cozy. I feel very much like a true Keralite in it.
6. I witnessed my very first blessing of an automobile. Jaimol Kochamma’s husband is the pastor at Ascension Church in Kottayam, and yesterday a family from their old parish came to the house to have their new car receive a blessing.

These are only a few of the new things I have experienced in India. To count them all would take forever, but I thought I’d give you all an idea of the daily surprises here. I would like to expand a little further on the blessing of the car idea so you don’t get the sense that it is strange. God is everywhere, and people here in Kerala understand that God is also on the roadways. Most, if not all vehicles are named, and many are named after Gods, Goddesses, or Saints. Icons and religious motifs are everywhere, even inside the public buses. As a person who enjoys naming objects (car, camera, computer, you name it) I really like the concept of naming your vehicle after a deity. This also makes sense because in Kerala and in most of the rest of India, the roadways are pretty dangerous. I think in the States it is easy lose touch with the people inside of vehicles and only see the machine itself. In Kerala I feel like recognizing that God, Baby Jesus (yes…8 pound 6 ounce Baby Jesus is on all kinds of vehicles), Lakshmi or Vishnu are with us as we drive gives each passenger a history to cling to. It doesn’t necessarily give each passenger a face or a name, but it gives a collective identity to the people inside each vehicle. A micro-community. We are all people, and we are acknowledging that we can’t make it very far without our God, no matter what we call him/her. I find that this notion is instrumental in my excitement each time I get on and off of a bus. It is a huge relief getting to each new place safely and successfully, but it is also a relief that even if I fail on the roadways, I still enjoy the journey. Maybe it is the icons talking, but I feel strangely at peace with being along for the ride. I think there is a metaphor for life somewhere in there, but I’ll let you figure that one out.

“We are not human beings on a spiritual journey; we are spiritual beings on a human journey.” -Stephen Covey

Renewing FUN!

Squishing into an Auto Rickshaw! 

Nicole's new Guitar! 

This weekend we had our first retreat in the town of Kottayam. It is only about 4 km from my home in Pallom. We had awesome Bible Studies, an important meeting with some officials at CMS College, A great session that helped us develop some new language training skills, and lots of free time.  It was a nice change of pace and it was really helpful to touch base with the other volunteers. We laughed off shared frustrations, told jokes, sang silly songs, made some beautiful music, and shared a little bit more of our personalities. The highlight of the trip was definitely our boat ride on the world famous backwaters. We got to drink water straight out of a coconut. First you drink the water, then someone pounds the coconut open and creates a little spoon with the hard outer shell. You are then supposed to scoop the tender, delicious coconut right out!

My Coconut

We all took turns snapping photos.  At the end of our ride we watched the Kerala palm trees sway against a sunset that God was clearly painting right in front of our eyes. It was a renewing meeting and overall it left me feeling immensely loved, appreciated and supported. I feel so thankful for each community that prays for me, nurtures me and helps me to grow. I have that in Texas, in many states in the U.S. and countries around the world (yeah YAVs, I mean you) and I have that everywhere I turn in India. I deeply missed the hostel girls while I was away. Sunday when I returned we played games and laughed and shared. They are all excited because there is another holiday this week. The girls get to go home from Tuesday until Sunday. I also have a long holiday. Only two work days! The whole hostel will shut down (including the food), so I am going to be splitting my time between Jaimol Kochamma’s house and Nicole’s place at Mandiram.  It should be another relaxing time, but I will be missing my Buchanan family all the while.

“Let us be grateful for the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust

Ridiculous Blessings

The green house dressed up for sports

Me and my new friends Sangeetha,Navia, Sinu, Aparna and Priya

Silly Kisses!

         I received my teaching time table on Monday which includes 4 periods of teaching each day and a few periods of rest in between.  I approached my first class with tons of excitement. Grades are called “standards” in the school system here. My first class was Standard 5 class B. I began my lesson with gusto and introduced myself quickly. The children returned my energy, but most of the students in standard 5 are in their first year of English. Clueless looks were given to me, and when they replied in fast Malayalam, I returned with equal cluelessness.  My lesson was over halfway through.  It seemed like I had been in the class forever. I wrote this feeling off as my western sense of time, so I continued the lesson by writing incorrect sentences on the board. We corrected as a class, but the time really started to weigh upon me. With every cry of “Miss, MISS, MIIIIIISSSS” I wished more and more that I had brought a watch to class. I emerged after winging it and playing hangman with the class feeling a little battered. I had no idea that a 45 minute class period would be so difficult! I retreated to the staff room and talked to the teachers. After looking at my phone clock I realized something….an hour and a half had passed. I politely asked Jaimol Kochamma what period she was about to go to. She said fourth.  Sure enough, I had taught a class for two full periods. The only response I could muster was laughter. I think it was the first time I have truly laughed at myself in India. It was refreshing. I sat in the staff room for most of the day soaking up little details and learning new things. I had a short Malayalam lesson and had a lesson in stitching with Graceamma  Teacher. So far I have learned the chain stitch and the fishbone stich! It is such a gift to learn new skills that require focus and patience.

 Another wonderful gift that God gave me this week is a new friend. On Monday a 6^th standard girl introduced herself to me. Her name is Aparna. I told her that I already have a friend named Aparna (my best friend Sunaina’s younger sister). She was so pleased with the idea that there was an American/ Indian Aparna out there somewhere.  At the end of the day my new friend gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek. It almost brought tears to my eyes how easily and freely her love was displayed. Tuesday morning Aparna’s smiling face found me in the crowd. Tuesday and Wednesday the school hosted a sports meet for the students and somehow in the rush, she took the time to seek me out. She introduced me to many of her friends and we went around practicing names, sharing about favorite things, and teaching each other games. I was literally dragged around the whole campus with at least 3 pairs of hands holding each of my arms, and voices yelling “Ba, ba, ba” and “Pokam,” both Malayalam terms for “let’s go.” It was pretty uncomfortable at first, but by the end of the walk I realized that wherever I was going, I was willing to put my faith in these overly enthusiastic strangers. They leapt into friendship with me. It was my duty to leap back. They loved my camera so we took many pictures. I was showered with long kisses for each photo. By the end of the day I had actually learned every name!  If you are bored by this tale of success, have no fear, Tuesday brought another ridiculous moment.  I was pooped on while walking to the staff room by a phantom bird. After laughing a lot again and cleaning myself off, I found that another of my teacher friends Manju also experienced a sneak attack by a “kaka” (the Malayalam word for crow). I am clearly still stumbling and looking ridiculous on a daily basis, but God is blessing me with such abundance here at Buchanan. I am “stumbling on grace” and I am leaping into friendship with everything I have.

“When we become aware that our stuttering, failing, vulnerable selves are loved even when we hardly progress, we can let go of our compulsion to prove ourselves and be free to live with others in a fellowship of the weak. That is true healing.” -Henri J.M. Nowen

A note for all you YAVs: This quote is actually from Ellie Roscher’s book How Coffee Saved My Life: And Other Stories of Stumbling on Grace. I am cheating and reading it now (sorry Shannon and Essie).  The term “stumbling on grace” is a direct steal from her book, so I put it in quotes to do her justice.  I am finding a special kinship with so many of her words. They are powerful and vulnerable all at the same time. I admire more than just her ability to write. I admire her courage and her humility. It may sound creepy, but I feel like she is a dear friend.

Embracing Diversity

Outside the mess hall where I eat everyday!

This blog is also coming to you all a little late. Connection at Buchanan has been in and out this week. 

Two holidays in one week! Wednesday was probably the first time my brain has stopped going enough for me to be dead tired. I will speak a lot about learning Malayalam on here because communication is a daily obstacle. I have many willing teachers here, but the intricacies of the language are so great that learning the alphabet alone is a struggle.  I found myself getting very frustrated as I studied yesterday. I even became frustrated at the language that I so dearly love, English. My ability to speak only one language puts many limitations on my learning.  I knew I needed a break from studying so I started talking with Joshmi and Lindu, two of the lovely second year TTC students in the hostel. We shared a lot about our personal views, the differences and similarities in our cultures, and about the state of the world. It was a very memorable conversation.  At the end of our talk they shared with me that they both really like to work on their English. It helped me regain a little of the pride I had lost during my studies. It was also nice to hear that these girls who have a language with such ancient roots and such a rich history can also appreciate other modes of communication. It will be important for me to remain appreciative of Malayalam and still respect the integrity of my own tongue. After all, I am called here to serve as both an English teacher and a Malayalam student this year. Yesterday I also finished reading the book of Genesis. I couldn’t help but to be reminded of the Tower of Babel as I wrestled with language. Genesis 11: 6-7 reads, “And the the Lord said, ‘Look, they are one people, and they all have one language; and this is only the beginning of what they will do; nothing that they propose to do will now be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language there so that they do not understand one another’s speech.’”  Many have read this passage and concluded that God created barriers so that we can overcome them. That is a nice message, but for me it misses the mark.  While reading this passage I was reminded that diversity in language, culture, and worldview is a gift from God. The tower of Babel was also good to read because it always makes me think of Pentacost, a day when God mends linguistic confusion through the spirit and builds the community of the church. This fills me with hope for my year of service. What I lack in understanding, Buchanan fills with an overwhelming sense of community. This week I am also seeing into the life of Nicole's community at Mandiram. I arrived last night and felt instantly welcomed. I even made an instant friendship with a crazy cool 5 year old named Saira. Today we are shopping and getting used to traveling by bus in India! It is awesome to be in Nicole's company today! 

a photo of my visit to Mandiram! Nicole and I with her warden Susan Thomas.

Grace and Peace, 

Rachel

“The God who authored diversity loves it, embraces those who display it and honors those who celebrate it.” –Duane Elmer

My Heart Will Go On

September 19, 2011

Okay so i technically have two blogs to post…here they are.

My first weekend at Buchanan has been full of little joys. On Saturday I had a really nice phone call with my fellow volunteer Claudia. She inspired me to get out of my room and go outside. Nature is one of my greatest comforts, so I decided to go on a walk. Two girls from the hostel next door joined me. We stopped our walk at the swings in front of the Bishop Speechly School. I was surprised that the girls immediately gestured for me to get on the swing. For me, this gesture was extremely symbolic. Let’s rewind to March of this year at the YAV Placement event in Louisville, KY. Before I turned in the form that established I wanted to go to India, I needed some time to clear my head.  I found some swings between the apartments on the Louisville Seminary campus. That swinging session is one of the little God connections that brought me to India. Swinging not only brings out the kid in me, but it makes me feel…free, liberated and yet ultimately dependent; dependent upon the pendulum of the swing to keep me safe, and dependent upon God to guide me. I gave part of this speech to my church at First Presbyterian of Grapevine to express my mission in India. When Deepa grabbed my hand and said “Swing?” I felt this ultimate sense of purpose and a complete peace that this is exactly where I need to be. I’d like to say we spent the afternoon walking around and teaching each other words….but really the girls were my teachers.  They taught me tons of Malayalam words, of which I remember about 5.  They also showed me this amazing little plant that looks like a regular fern, but then you touch it and its leaves collapse. It is called Tarundari. The man who was out watching the rubber trees called them “sensitive plants.” I was overly excited about it. It was definitely a day full of childhood wonder. In the evening I made a few goals for myself. I decided that I will try to read the Bible in 90 days…which boils down to about 12 pages a day. I am embarrassed to say that I haven’t read it all the way through before.  I think I will do much better here if I set some goals for myself.  Sunday was full of confusion for me. Since the girls don’t ring any bells after the rising bell on Sunday morning, I was lost. After I got my bearings we spent almost all day sitting through Malayalam services. The church service at the Church of South India Pallom was a short walk away and was very nice. We also went to Kottayam for a meeting of the India Bible Society. I am hoping to spend a little more time this week working on my Malayalam because my ability right now is that of a 2 year old. Haha. The girls think how awful I am at pronouncing things is pretty funny.  My first time at teaching will be today!  Prayers are welcome.

“Life is a promise, fulfill it.” – Mother Theresa

So as many of you know, today is the 21st of September, not the 19th. I haven't had internet access till today, but all is SO GOOD. Monday was full of wonderful surprises. I woke up thinking I would teach, got all dressed up and ready an headed to the mess hall, and strangely there were no children in uniforms standing around to greet me. The Hostel girls looked very confused as to why i was dressed so nicely. School was cancelled Monday because of a Kerala- wide strike about the rise in oil prices. No drivers, no school. So it was instead we had tons of free time. It was truly a community building day. The first year girls taught me how to wash all of my clothes by hand on a stone. I had an audience giggling at me as I pounded my clothing onto the stone like a complete amateur. After they were hung out to dry, they asked me to sing Titanic's "My Heart Will Go On" for them and also wanted me to dance. My impromptu performance was well received. We went downstairs to continue our talking. I learned all about Malayali and Indian actors that the girls love. One of my fastest friends is Merin, a 17 year old first year teaching student. She is obsessed with Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus. haha. Merin holds my hand often as we walk to the mess hall. It is extremely common in India to see same sex friends holding hands. I think it's a really sweet sign of affection. The rest of the day was filled with more sharing and laughter. It was really a joy. I am typing to you after my first day of teaching and guess what? It was not that scary. I taught 10th standard (ages 15-16) and they were a lot of fun. 

Grace and peace

Rachel

"Ozone Day"

My New Window Decorations! :)

The Corner says I heart you. SO SWEET!

What a day full of beauty! I have actually been told multiple times today that I look beautiful, which was very sweet to hear from girls of all ages. Even the teachers approved of my appearance today in my new Churidar, which is the more traditional women's dress here. The teachers all wear a very traditional silk Sari. I am not quite that formal yet. haha. I love my blue Churidar mainly because it was a gift from Jaimol Kochamma. Today in assembly she leaned to me and told me that today is "Ozone day" so many of the lessons are centered around the thinning of the Ozone layer. I sat in on four class periods today, english, social science, math, and art. In the art class today we made paper butterflies. It was so much fun and made me think of my sorority sisters from college. At the end of the class many of the students gave me their butterflies as a gift! I also had one autograph request today which made me laugh. I am learning more and sharing a little bit more of myself today. I sang "Here Comes the Sun" in honor of Ozone day of course for all the classes. It has been such a joy to be recieved here at Buchanan. I will have pictures for you tomorrow!
Grace and Peace,
Rachel

New and Blessed

My Room!

My first day at Buchanan!

I am currently sitting inside my new world for an entire year. Everything is still so new ! I am also a little jet lagged. I was awaken from an accidental nap right before evening prayer by Mariamma Kochamma. She is the “warden” of my hostel, which essentially means she is a house mother for me and the other girls who live here. She is well respected among the girls and the teachers. She was a Malayalam teacher for years and is apparently an excellent poet! When I first arrived, she immediately ran to show me a photo of herself and the previous volunteer here, Madison. She openly expressed her love and care for Madison, and indicated with the little English that she has that we will have good times as well.  There are 21 women ranging roughly from age 16 to 19 living in my hostel. By day they are students at one of the campuses that shares land with the Buchanan campus, the TTC or Teacher Training School.  Many of them knocked on my door while I was moving in and greeted me with smiles. I am so grateful for their patience with me and my non-existent Malayalam. Today has included many challenges, but each challenge has been accompanied directly with touching, heartfelt moments.  I have a feeling that for much of this year challenge and beauty will go hand in hand.  My supervisor for the year is a woman named Jaimol Kochamma. She was so understanding, helpful and informative while giving me a tour around the campus today. On Tuesday we went into the nearby town of Kottayam to get some necessities and get registered with the local police as students. I am very thankful for her friendship already. On Wednesday I rested all day, and today will be filled with some more rest and hopefully a more extensive Malayalam lesson. I am already catching on quickly. I was also told by the girls yesterday that I will be the new art teacher. No questions asked. haha.  I am also thankful for the friendship I have in Madison. I feel that so much of her light is still lingering here, and it actually comforts me to know that just a year ago she was maybe just as challenged by her first day at Buchanan. In my room she has also left quite a nice collection of books and other small goodies!  I am overflowing with love for this new community and I absolutely can’t wait to learn more!
“ Our steps are made firm by the lord, when he delights in our way; though we stumble, we shall not fall headlong, for the Lord holds us by the hand.” Psalm 37:23-24